And I don't know why...

I just have this continuous feelings of needing to cry,being short-tempered, and exhausted. Even now I'm feeling teary.

I have been breastfeeding my little Sonja since her birth and seem to be hitting a roadblock. Breastfeeding is important to me and I wasn't able to experience this with Caleb because of his disabilities. Even though there was nothing I could do at the time I still felt like a failure and am feeling that way now.

*sigh* Me thinks I whine too much.

We are still trying to find a medication regime to help Caleb with his seizures. School is out for him and he starts ESY (extended school year) on the 7th. The teacher will come to the house 3 days a week and work on him with his Dynavox.

Sonja, diagnosed with Erb's palsy, is starting to regain some movement in her arm. She started physical therapy with the county last Friday and will recieve weekly visits from the terapists. She is also scheduled for an EMG on the 14th of July. I can't imagine a little 4 month old having to endure such a test and am thankful my husband will be there with me.

My Uncle in MN is on suicide watch and my mother is beyond sick with worry.

My sister is recovering from pnuemonia.

This is all...sort of.

I haven't had my computer for sometime, it got sick and had to be sent away to the computer doctors.
I am typing this from a borrowed laptop, and I am unable to post a large picture. However, I have been able to set up some photos on my flickr account.

Sonja Grace was born March 4, 2009 at exactly 11pm. She was 8lbs 5.6 ozs and 20 inches.
Both she and I are in good health. She did get an injury during the birth, her cord was wrapped around her shoulder and caused the nerves in it to stretch. She is unable to use her left arm, other than some movement in her hand. However, the pediatrician says this is a common injury, and the fact that she has movement in her hand and seems to be regaining some strength, it should heal. Just might take some time.

Fresh out of the oven, and thus ends my Christmas baking^_^

I didn't know if I would have time to do all the baking I had on my list, but in 2 days time I was able to get all but one thing done.

I ran out of flour-_-
( My list includes [caution pic heavy} )

As many of you know, or have at least guessed, I believe in faeries. I believe they inspire us, visit us, play with us, jinx us when vexed, and love us when pleased. I believe that some of us even have fay in our blood.

We have a big Bradford Pear tree in our front yard, and our living room is on the second floor with a huge floor to ceiling bay window. Our view is our tree. Since birth Caleb has been fascinated, calmed, and entertained by our tree, always looking and talking to it in his own language. At least I thought it was his own. I thought I would ask him who he was talking to in our...er...I mean his, tree.

me:"who are you talking to in the tree Caleb?"

he shakes his head "no"

me:"are you allowed to tell me?"

shakes his head "no"

me:"am I allowed to guess?"

thinks about it, looks at the tree, nods

me:"are you talking to the birds?"

shakes his head

me:"are you talking to the sky?"

shakes his head

me:"are you talking to the faeries?"

he looks at me gives a big smile and nods

me:clapping my hands, "we have faeries in our tree!?"

nods "yes"

me:"are you speaking faerie to them?"

nods

me:"did you know I met an artist who also talks to the faeries, and his name is Brian Froud?"

gives the tree a dirty look

me:"don't worry they don't talk to just anybody, you are very special to them I am sure"

gives a little giggle and smiles back at the tree.

found by razorgirl_au 

12 Reasons to Disallow Gay Marriage

1) Being gay is not natural.

Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, hot dogs, and air conditioning.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay.

In the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms.

Just like we haven't adapted to cars, fast food, or longer life spans.

4) Marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all.

Women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriage would be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed.

The sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6) Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children.

Gay couples, infertile couples, old people, and couples who don't want kids shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children.

Since, of course, straight parents only raise straight children.

8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion.

In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home.

That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets.

Because a dog is a person too, and has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

11) Gay couples are a harmful influence on their kids.

Because all gay couples abuse their kids, daily.

12) Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better for gays.

Because a "separate but equal" institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages will for gays & lesbians.

source: http://www.topix.com/forum/religion/christian/TPHA9GVIF2LAAOA7H

Now lets hope he lives up to all he has said and has lead us to believe.

We need to see some change.

Caleb loves dressing up for Halloween.
( ON to the cuteness... )

It has been forever since I last posted, life has gotten in the way.
Caleb has started school as a kindergartener and has been going to school full time. What a change to get used to. He took to the change much easier than I did. I miss him terribly during the day and I was wandering around aimlessly in the beginning, just not sure what to do with myself. However, the timing could not be better since I am pregnant.
Yes...we will be having another baby in the beginning of March. I found out I was 3 months pregnant right when Caleb was starting school. I was feeling sick all the time, and I seriously thought I had an ulcer or something. It was when I started having the weird food aversions that I began to become suspicious.
My hubby and I went to get our sonogram yesterday and we were able to find out that Caleb will be having a baby sister. How funny, I kinda knew that all along, just like I knew that Caleb was going to be a boy. I think my belief we were going to have a girl stems from the fact that this pregnancy has been a bit rougher than when I was pregnant with Caleb. Most of it is gross personal stuffs, so I won't bother you, nor embarrass myself with further details. You see girls cause more trouble. ;0)
Also, we were able to go to the faeriecon again this year and had an awesome time. Unfortunately the heros of the affair, Brian Froud and Alan Lee, both had personal issues and were unable to attend, and I would like to send out faerie blessings to them and hope all works out.
To add to all this we have also adopted a new kitten who seemed to come with all sorts of issues that had to be taken care of at the vets. But she is super cute playful and cuddly and has made her place here with our little family. Have any of you ever met a kitten that plays fetch?

Who wouldn't want bread shaped like massacred peoples? And where can one mail order some?

You tell him!

*sigh* I'm with Keith.

Following the_dean's example ( My Interests Collage! )

I know I am a bad LJ user. Ah well....

I guess the biggest problem I am facing now is the school system trying to screw us over with Caleb's education.
I am in the process of getting paperwork together to hire an advocate. It is so sad that this is now necessity. I should be able to get it all in the priority mail by tomorrow, and hope that this is soon enough for his upcoming placement meeting on April 16th. It is going to cost 375 as a retainer and then 75/hour after that. *sigh* Luckily we can afford it and we are willing to pay anything to get what Caleb deserves, even if we end up sending him to a private special needs school. (which I looked up, and there are none in the Prince William County area!)

Enough of the complaining already!

Otherwise, Caleb is doing really well in school except he doesn't get along so well with the OT, and tries to bite her (can't blame him). He is doing much better with his balance and he can match 4 colors as well as tell the difference between same and different. He is also, slowly, getting the hang of using his switches to say "yes" and "no" The teacher also ordered him a switch to play computer games with, which, surprise, surprise, is now one of his favorite things to do. His father's son all the way.

Because he is so cool and so cute at
the same time I thought I would share....


Me you ask?
Well, nothing much of significance. Crafts, reading, taking care of the house, husband and child. Oh yeah..I have actually lost more weight and went clothes shopping for the first time since. I'm all fashionable now...well... Stephanie fashion that is. I have clothes I can wear in public that aren't covered in stains or hangs on me like maternity wear!

This was posted on aspecialparent community....thought it was pretty funny and most of you will get a kick out of it even if you are not a parent.


This way to the funnies

curtesy of prg
1.WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
no

2.WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
last week when watching .... I can't remember. Some girly movie.

3.DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Occasionally, it was better when I was in college, and it also depends on what pen I'm using.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
black pepper turkey from the deli

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
one.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
yes

7.DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
occasionally

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
yes

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
ehhhh.....heh, does my fear of heights make me a whimp

10.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
cream of wheat

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
no, but I retie them when I put them back on

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
physically or emotionally?

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
chocolate chip mint

14.WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
whether they are male or female

15. RED OR PINK?
Red

16.WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
my weight

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
silverflight who moved to the other side of the continent and my Godmother

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU?
if they feel like it

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
black pjs with rainbow pokadots, no shoes

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
homemade oatmeal bread toasted with brummel and brown and local currant preserves. As well as a handfull of almonds

21. WHAT ARE YOU listening to RIGHT NOW?
my son singing, and watching the A&E version of Pride and Prejudice

22. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
purple

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
baking bread, clove, and my favorite perfume "sun, moon, and stars"

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
my mother

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
yes

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
winter olympics, and some of the summer

27. HAIR COLOR?
mousey brown

28. EYE COLOR?
green/brown/hazel

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
occasionally

30 FAVORITE FOOD?
strawberries

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
both

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
sweeny todd

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
purple

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
winter

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
hugs

36. FAVORITE DESSERT?
*shrug* I don't know, I guess if I had to pick, my mother's cherry pie

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
I  don't know

38. Least likely to respond?
again I don't know

39.WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Gods behaving badly

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
I use a laptop

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
Mansfield park

42. FAVORITE SOUND?
my son having giggle fits

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
beatles

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Minnesota

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
I can make my eyebrows do the wave

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Ft. Belvoir VA

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
Anyone willing to answer these question

I have been trying to draw again. I mean REALLY draw - finished pieces with color and everything. It has literally been years since I have done a finished drawn somethingorother.

Well I finally have! Its not great by any standards, not nearly as good as I used to be able to accomplish when I drew everyday. I guess drawing is nothing like riding a bike, once you stop practicing you can loose the ability. I hope to try and draw at least four times a week. At first I thought to draw everyday, but with other chores that is fairly impossible.

Please be kind